Ernests Gulbis pays for sex. Or tries to anyway.

So says Pim Pim in his TELL ALL BLOG:

“Monaco fick sent igår kväll reda på att han blivit anklagad i argentinsk press för att han var den skyldige spelaren som köpt sex under helgen trots att Gulbis redan erkänt.”

Which translates to:

“Monaco found out last night that he was accused in the Argentine press of being the player who bought sex during the weekend while Gulbis already acknowledged. He will probably have a difficult time before the match on Wednesday. I’ll try to take advantage of it early in the match …”

Somewhere in Moscow, Marat Safin is dying of laughter.

Poor Pico, being blamed without any cause. What a way to cap off a completely useless year of ‘tennis’, Ernie.

Oh, Pim Pim..thanks for the goss. <3

One down, one more to go. Is it Bolelli as everyone thinks? Or does Ernests’ friend Deivids Juksa have a role to play? I’m sure we’ll have more goss soon.

EDIT.
From MTF comes moar amazingness:

The beautifully named If Open (LOL- don’t deny your head’s been swimming in that gutter) has exploded onto tennis radars that previously didn’t care all that much because the Swedish Police have arrested two tennis players for soliciting prostitutes.

Good question. Since when do tennis players need to pay for sex? Fools. Fangirls (and fanboys) everywhere would fly over in a heartbeat, no questions asked.

We don’t know who they are, so like any good fandom; we put our collective geniuses together and play ELIMINATION combined with a brilliant edition of BEST GUESS.

AND NO. MARAT IS IN MOSCOW.

And no, Reeshard was not snogging girls in Stockholm either.

MTF and ONTD_TENNIS are especially brilliant at it, eliminating:

JCF DON’T NEED TO PAY FOR SEX!..And his blog says he only got to Stockholm on Sunday.

Feli Lopez is sex. And even *he* can’t fly from Shanghai to Stockholm with enough time.. or change.. to spare for a Swedish massage.

Marcos Baggy thinks this shite is hilarious. He was busy winning in Tashkent, thank you very much.

It wasn’t Robin Sodermort as he isn’t a foreign citizen. *cue evil laughter*

So, WHODUNNIT?

Popular opinion says Thomaz Bellucci

and Leo Mayer:

My first thought was sleaze bag Dima Tursunob:

But alas, the great kisser isn’t playing in Stockholm!

How about the rich brat Ernests ‘Wasted Potiential’ Gulbis?

Or Grigor ‘Future of Tennis’ Dimitrov

There are, of course, some Big Names in the draw that we haven’t eliminated: Haas, Pico… and some other guys. Speculate amongst yourselves. The draw is here. Don’t forget about the Dubs guys.

And, of course, we’ll hear about it soon.. the ATP already has.

Spare a thought for the two players detained by Swedish police on suspicion of soliciting prostitutes ahead of this week’s Stockholm Open. In accordance with Swedish law, the players’ names have not been made public, but their identities quickly spread around the tennis grapevine. Before long, a locker-room prankster had filled their cubicles with condoms, dirty magazines and a whip.

It’s only a matter of time. *cue evil laughter*

… and awkward.

over on my eljay, the lovely watercolourblue asked me to do a meme wherein she gives me 5 words that remind her of me and then i do a post about what they mean to me. two of the five words she gave me are tennis related, so i reproduce them here.

Tennis

Tennis is calculating timezones, waking up at 0400 for a match… that you’ll follow on livescore, it’s yelling at the laptop/telly, it’s trying not to cry, it’s sunshine on your window, it’s ripping your heart to shreds, it’s defending your favourites, it’s LOLing at tennistas, it’s GOAT debates and head to heads, it’s Grand Slams and it’s THE GRAND SLAM. It’s Wimbledon. It’s 2008. It’s Rafael Nadal. It’s ‘my famous ass’. It’s careera. It’s my mother’s gift to me. It’s in her recollection of Ivan Lendl and her awful, almost unwatchable VHS tapes of Borg, Wilander and the others. it’s BJK. It’s Mauresmo and her backhand. It’s running around Vienna during the Olympics, trying to find a Starbucks with free Wi-Fi to watch the tennis. It’s Henin and her retirement that is not a retirement. Same for Clijsters. It’s laughing at WTA. It’s loving the WTA. It’s McDonalds. It’s the pretty Caro and the Vika and the laughing at Masha. It’s JJ’s boyfriend and her clothes. It’s the surprise finalist at AO. It’s MoLay. It’s MoLay icecream. It’s tennis blogs and tennis snark. it’s twittering during a match. It’s dodgy knees that keep you worrying, derail your life and make you awfully, awfully, awfully sad. It’s managing your whole life around the playing schedule and grudging things when they won’t comply. It’s psycho OMGness on tennis boards. It’s ZERO perspective. It’s panda eyes from going to bed at past 0100 and then waking up at 0600 for more tennis. It’s crazy awesome chair umpires. It’s putting chair umpires on the burnlist. It’s hating Justin Gimelstob. It’s laughing at Ernests Gulbis. It’s bloody Peter Bodo. It’s brackets. It’s French Open 2005. And 2006. And 2007. And especially 2008. It’s ignoring 2009 from Miami until Montreal. It’s white and strawberries and cream. It’s the Church of the Russian Sex God. It’s smashed racquets. It’s ontd_tennis. It’s Richardgate. It’s a fauxhawk. It’s the Armada. It’s the Frenchies. It’s the unknown. It’s WHY DOES SAM QUERREY NEED AN INTERN? It’s Simon’s piano playing. It’s ‘you cannot be serious’. It’s knowing who the commie is by their accent. It’s i heart rafa. It’s wonderful fellow fans. It’s psychopathic fans. It’s spamming Robin Soderling’s twitter. It’s infinite sadness when Rafa is injured. It’s RAFAWATCH when he’s on hols and we miss him so. It’s watching for the retirement slam. It’s pinky glittery caps. It’s ranking points. It’s nipple tassels. It’s Wimbledon 2008. It’s my life on a court.

Rafa

Rafa is- see: tennis. Rafa is a huge bar of chocolate after the worst day. A bar of chocolate that doesn’t make you fat, only gives you the glow. Rafa is the first snow. Rafa is rain in the Abu Dhabi desert: always fucking fantastic. Rafa is acing an exam you didn’t study for. Rafa is ‘classes cancelled’. Rafa is that exact instant when you’re looking into the eyes of a boy you fancy to bits, and he leans in to kiss you and in your head you’re dancing and singing and doing that really obnoxious looking thing you do when you’re absolutely delighted. Rafa is the explosions that go off in your head when that boy kisses you. Every. Single. Time. Rafa is when you’re on the treadmill and hating yourself for not being able to last for more than fifteen minutes..when you remember Hamburg ‘08, USO ‘07, AO ‘09, Wimbly ‘07 + ‘08… and you can push yourself a little harder, for a little longer. Rafa is ‘always be with colm’. Rafa is ‘always try your best’. Rafa is, ‘your defeats give your victories meaning’. Rafa is unicorns, rainbows, puppies and your the teddy your grandma gave you. Rafa is the sh*t-eating grin after he beats Federer. Rafa is the sh*t-eating grin whenever he wins. Rafa is the happy. A Rafa victory is the bestest birthday present ever. Rafa is making you cry because his knees hurt. Rafa is making you want to hunt down stupid journalists. Rafa is wanting to cry when he plays his first match post-injury. Rafa is smacking people who call him ‘uni-dimensional’. Rafa is when you get out your pencil and threaten to stab people in the eye for saying he was ‘done’- his game was just too rough on his body. Rafa is feeling as though your heart is going to burst. Rafa is a raspberry sorbet. Rafa is your favourite sandwich. Rafa is drooling on your keyboard. Rafa is ‘akhox2upsk;’als’dpqIOSP[KS;LSK’ because you don’t know how to react to Rafa love. Rafa is ‘it must be love’. Rafa is an awful JMac ad. Rafa is an awkward V is for Victory campaign. Rafa is wanting to SQUEEEEEEEEEEE. Rafa is frazzling for no reason. Rafa is hugging a giggle. Rafa is comfort food- always exactly what you need. Rafa is your favourite book. Rafa is sillies. Rafa is – there are no appropriate words to describe the adorableness of Rafa Nadal. Life with Happy! Uninjured! Rafa is >>>>>>>>>>>>>> Life x infinity.

because I have missed you SFM. This video makes me squeee with unparalleled glee. &hearts; &hearts;

Just..squee!

Reeshard Gasgay is cleared of all charges and is back on tour, effective immediately.

The tribunal panel, which was composed of three lawyers, found that Gasquet consumed no more than “a grain of salt” of cocaine. A substantial ban, according to the panel, would have been “unusual to the point of being probably unique.”

The positive test was allegedly the result of Gasquet kissing a woman, only referred to as “Pamela,” who had been in contact with cocaine earlier in the evening.

The ITF press release says that

he was able to demonstrate on the balance of probabilities how the cocaine entered his system (through inadvertent contamination in a nightclub the night before his scheduled match), and that, while he was at fault in exposing himself to the risk of such contamination, that fault was not significant. It further ruled that, in the exceptional and “probably unique” circumstances of the case, it would be unjust and disproportionate to impose a 12-month sanction on Mr Gasquet. Instead it ruled that Mr Gasquet be suspended from participation for a period of two months and 15 days, commencing on 1 May 2009, and thus ending at 08:00 GMT on 15 July 2009. It also ruled that his results, ranking points and prize money from events subsequent to Miami should remain undisturbed.

More here. ITF press release here.

The actual report says about Richie:

8. The player was born on 18 June 1986 and is therefore now aged 23. He is a French national resident in Switzerland. He already has a series of illustrious achievements behind him. He has been ranked number one in France and was ranked in the top twenty-five in the world four years running, from 2004 to 2008. In 2007, he was ranked in the top 10, reaching the Wimbledon semi-final in which he was defeated by Mr Roger Federer.

Seriously? Is there anything, anyone can do in the tennis world that will not, somehow, be related to Le Fed?

9. The Tribunal found the player to be a truthful and honest witness, and a man of integrity. We accept the following evidence from the player and other witnesses attesting as to his character. He is highly motivated and hard working, and also quite reserved and shy. He does not often socialise in large groups of people, preferring the company of people he knows and small groups. He rarely consumes alcohol. We accept that he is not a user of illegal recreational drugs, nor of performance enhancing drugs. He occasionally goes out to bars and nightclubs, but never does so when competing.

Yeah, JWT still doesn’t remember the night when he and Richie hit up the bars and took their shirts off to dance grind (see picture above).

16. The player was disappointed that he would not be playing. After arriving at the hotel and making the decision not to compete, he called his mother in France and agreed that she would change his flight back to France so that he would leave at 6pm on Saturday 28 March 2009. Having decided to withdraw from the tournament, he felt there was no reason to stay at the hotel that evening. He decided to go out and see a well known French DJ, M. Bob Sinclar, whom he had briefly met earlier that day, and who, as he knew, would be performing that evening in Miami as part of the Winter Music Conference; an event which, though the player did not know it, is notoriously associated with use of illegal recreational drugs including cocaine.

He rang his mum so she could get his flight changed? Wait.. doesn’t he have a team to take care of these things?

[...]While waiting at the bar for their table, the player noticed a group of four young women dining at a nearby table. He recognised one of them, Mlle Francesca Antoniotti, a sports news presenter on French television.

18. At about 10.30pm one of the women invited the group of men to join them for a drink after dinner. The men did so, joining them at their table. The player talked mostly to one of the women called Pamela. We do not know her family name and therefore refer to her simply as Pamela. The player learned that Pamela lived in Paris and that she, Mlle Antoniotti and another of the women, known as Nouria, were on holiday together in Miami. The player and his companions discovered that these three women were also planning to see M. Sinclar perform that night, at a club called Set. The fourth woman, called Denise, was due to leave to work at a different venue.

19. The group of four men, including the player, and the three women, including Mlle Antoniotti and Pamela, set off for Set on foot at about midnight. They entered Set at about 12.40am on 28 March 2009, after awaiting the arrival of M. Sinclar. He then started his performance. The player and the others in his group were soon invited to M. Sinclar’s table by his wife. They stood around the table talking and listening to the music. On the table top, there were open jugs of mixer drinks, including apple juice, a bottle of vodka and bottles of water.

20. The player drank a vodka and apple juice prepared for him by M. Champion. Later, at about 2am, he helped himself to more apple juice, without vodka. The player talked particularly to Pamela, though he was not with her all the time, and also talked to others. The Tribunal accepts the player’s evidence that he and Pamela kissed mouth to mouth about seven times while they were at Set, each kiss lasting about five to ten seconds. We accept his evidence that he was not with Pamela constantly while at the club. At one stage the two of them went upstairs and sat on a sofa where they kissed. After that they came downstairs again, stopping to kiss on the stairs. The player then drank only water from a sealed bottle and a vodka and apple juice he had ordered from the bar.

21. At about 4.15am, the player and the others with whom he had arrived decided to leave. They left at about 4.35am, after awaiting the end of M. Sinclair’s performance, thanking him and saying goodbye. The player was tired. His impression was that Pamela did not seem tired. She expressed a wish to go to another venue called Goldrush, where the fourth woman from the restaurant, Denise, was working. The group of seven travelled in two taxis. The player went in a taxi with Pamela. Goldrush turned out to be a strip club. The player and his three male companions did not like it and wanted to leave about 10 minutes after arriving. He did not have any physical contact with Denise or anyone else at Goldrush.

[...] The player kissed Pamela on the mouth for two or three seconds before boarding a taxi back to his hotel with his coach. On arrival at his hotel he went to his room and slept.

First, how the fuck do they know how long they were snogging for? Seriously- who keeps count? The intricate detail is ridiculous.. and made me giggle for yonks.

Second, of course Richie was uncomfortable with women stripping and made the others leave too. (dear peter bodo, didn’t you get the memo?)

Third, Pamela? Really?

Fourth,  never giggle at Rafa Nadal and call him naive. Ever.

Still LOL-ing over Richie kissing a girl.

French daily L’Équipe reports that world #119 Mathieu Montcourt has passed away at the age of 24.

(Google Translation):

The French tennis player Mathieu Montcourt died last night. He was 24 years old. The information was confirmed by Patrice Dominguez, the National Technical Director. But the causes of death are not yet known. Source police Montcourt was found dead by his girlfriend at the door of their apartment in Boulogne-Billancourt. The French Federation has announced that it will issue a communiqué in the day.

UPDATED

AP/Yahoo broke the story later in the day. The French tennis federation released a statement:

“It is with great sadness that the French tennis federation has learned of the sudden death of Mathieu Montcourt. Mathieu was an enthusiastic young man, passionate, very endearing, and extremely appreciated for his kindness and politeness.”

No new details, but the entire piece is here.

Rafa posted a message on his website:

MON AMI MATHIEU MONTCOURT

You can feel Rafa’s shock through that message.

The rumours say cause of death was pulmonary embolism.

Mathieu Montcourt’s ATP profile.
Source
Original Source

R.I.P, Monsieur Montcourt.

wow. that’s really, really tragic. he was only twenty four. the past two months i spent in a funk over tennis?  yeah, perspective’s kicked in. god, how completely awful for his friends and family-and especially terrible for his poor girlfriend. that’s just unfair. thoughts going out to his loved ones. x

due to too much heartbreak and disappointment this year, tennis and i are on an extended break until further notice.

but is missing pink dazzles!

@Wimbledon has Muzzah practicing, but where’s the pink glitz?:(

oh and muzz also told off fed and modeled fred perry clothes and looked kinda sweet… (how awkward for me and my hormones). oh and this clip is lolarious- a) sue barker thinking it’s ivan ljubicic + murray’s instant ‘wtf reaction’. i wonder if they get on? yoda-wannabe ljubicic and ‘i don’t read’ muzzah. b) that autograph book. LOL. (via loltennis also ty for highlighting autograph bit <3)

Oh and via fierce tennis comes this utter awesomeness:

is adorable while doing so.

after the past few weeks of ‘is he going to play?’ ‘he’s not going to play?’ ‘he’ll play an exho’ and ‘OMG HIS KNEES! HIS CAREER’S DONE FOR’; these pictures of Rafa practising at Wimbly have (to an extent) eased fan worries and hopefully shut down the gloomy ‘his career is doomed’ BS. oh and while we’re at shutting stuff down, can this human growth hormone shite die already? thanks.

@wimbledon has pictures for us!

can’t see his “special equipment” (head out of gutter please) but his knees are tape-less! before we get all excited, rafa is yet to confirm play at Wimbles and will play an exho at hurlingham vs. stan wawrinks on Friday. let’s hope he’s feeling good and then go from there. fan reports say he was tape-less, was pummelling the ball and there was laughter and  tomfoolery in the camp/practice.

vamos, bb! <3